you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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