Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
