So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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