How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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