4 words: hood of his car
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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