so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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