I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
