Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I need moral support for this bender
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
