I just made out with a guy for $7.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
