I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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