Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
