This is not my ceiling
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
