D3 body, D1 cock
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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