I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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