wakey wakey hands off snakey
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
where does the pee come out of this thing
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
