He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
