Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
