I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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