can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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