if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
