I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
