Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Randomize
