he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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