My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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