so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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