Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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