I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
