Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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