I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
There's always time for handjobs
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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