when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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