your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize