I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
