used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
don't judge my taste in strippers
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
