you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
