I feel great
I just peed on a car
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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