Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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