if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
