TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
