Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
