she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
