How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
