I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
