somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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