The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
