what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
