8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
