it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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