Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Randomize
