Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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