I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
