I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
