The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
