she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
