Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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