We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
