OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
