lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
