She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
