tell your sister to shave her snatch
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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