Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
