Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
