I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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