dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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