I heard we made out
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
