$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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