was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
