KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
