When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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