i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize