Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
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