Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
