I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
