I'm eating all of the evidence.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
