I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
50% drunk capacity currently
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
