Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
