i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Randomize
